First off, my niece Sydney is in the OR right now, having fluid removed from her chest cavity and lungs. I am feeling really far away (she is in Sacramento). I had offered to go down tonight and hang with her sisters, which ultimately, John's Dad and Stepmom did; but I am feeling really useless. So I am praying a lot.
I am tired, but trying to not complain. I realize that my jet-lag/whacked sleep schedule is a result of my wonderful tropical vacation. I cannot get to sleep before midnight or 1 am. (9 or 10 pm Hawaiian time.) Which kinda sucks when (a) we are no longer in that time zone and (b) it's pouring down rain, cold and nothing like Hawaii here at the moment; and (c) I have to get up at 5:30 am to leave for work in the mornings. But anyway . . .
I am back to my pre-Hawaii weight. Which was really hard to get to prior to my trip. I was a little whacked about getting back to it. Now that I am there, another 10 pounds to go between now and June 1st. (Yes, you've all heard my arbitrary weight goals before. This is the closest I've been. Easter candy aside.)
Jackass. The movie. I rented it and watched it with Dylan, even though it was unrated. So, so , SO very wrong. But watching him laugh and fall over? Totally worth it! (Although I did skip through a few sections. Very important to note!)
Tahoe. We are supposed to go up there next weekend. Assuming that the highway (80) is open. Dylan's snow clothes are huge on him. So I had to buy smaller powder pants. Even though I probably gave away this exact size a couple of years ago. So in the last month? I have had to buy him (smaller) swim/summer clothes AND snow clothes. Awesome. I am so glad that I give away things/pass them on too soon! (Don't ask me if Halle's snow boots actually fit her. I am going to assume that they do. And then just shove her feet into them. So help me.) The flu took about 8 pounds off of my already slim son. Praying for wellness and a milkshake or two along the way for him.
My house? A wreck! Dishes, laundry, general crap . . . oh my! I need to pull it together and catch up!
Mac movie . . . I hired an 11 year-old to make a memorial video that I should have had done months ago. Photos are scanned. Video is input. Music is chosen. The family member in question? (John's stepmom's son), is back in hospice care. And I don't feel confident that I can whip this thing together in a timely manner. But an acquaintance's son knows the program . . . I haven't negotiated price yet, but I'm oh-so-certain that it will be well worth it!
Tomorrow I have two doctor's appointments. The first is with my GYN. To review my care/peri-menopausal plan and subsequent hormone levels. My bet? That my estrogen is "high", or at least higher than I am used to (non-existent). My gamble is a 280-310 range, versus my (normal) below 50 that I've become used to in the last three years. (Below 50, by the way, equals the typical range for a male.) I am guessing this because of several factors, not the least of which are some really (TMI!) tender boobs. So we'll see. :)
The second appointment? In quasi-relation to those tender boobs? Is a bilateral breast ultrasound with a breast specialist. This was the recommendation following my baseline mammogram. Then I have a secondary mammogram next week as well. I am still banking on the idea that I have lumpy, bumpy (but non-malignant) boobs, nothing more.
Lastly, I am clearly handling things well/better/more even-keeled because of my Lexapro. Otherwise known as what has kept me sane and healthy since December 21st. I am 100% certain that pharmaceuticals are/can be utilized to keep us all heathier/happier/more balanced. Which is clearly the case with me and my doctor's recommendation to utilize a mood stabilizer to well; um, stabilize me. Amen and amen. More on that later.
But just know that without it? Things like packing/prepping/scheduling/relationships/breast ultrasounds are much, much harder for me. And I am all about surviving/bettering/enjoying the process. And if Lexapro helps make that a better journey for me? Amen.