Blissfully Unaware of the Chaos the Surrounds Me

Over It . . .

I'm officially over the month of May. I'm ignoring the fact that one more measly day remains.

Sigh. Remind me to put my kids on independent study and go away for the entire month of May next year. It's too much. It may be my actual breaking point. Wimpy of me, I know. AND I know that I complain about it every year. So what can I do differently in  2013? I'm still thinking that a total escape plan is the way to go!

Halle had her last day of preschool today. How is that even possible? Didn't I just have her? How on earth can she be entering Kindergarten in two months?

Dylan only has one more lunch to pack for 7th grade. (Can I get an Amen?) Only 1.5 days left of having a 7th grader. That's almost crazier than Halle going to Kindergarten!

I am supposed to go to Roseville tomorrow. To pick up my replacement iPad. But I can't. I have too much to do. Wouldn't you think, that in this day and age that they could flippin' send it to me? Apparently, they cannot. Don't. Piss. Me. Off. It's still May which means that I'm not stable. Or predictable.

On my agenda for tomorrow? Finishing my packet for work. Finalizing the program for Andy's memorial service and testing all of our A/V stuff for the service. A doctor's appointment to determine what the heck is going on with my shoulder/neck/numbness in my left arm/hand. Refilling all of our prescriptions that are eligible since our insurance coverage ends on Thursday. Oh, did I forget to emtion that little ditty? Just one more bit of May loveliness that was slightly unexpected. Who needs insurance for June and July anyway? (Not us. The family with unknown allergy issues and neck/shoulder spasms and weird viruses and the good-Lord-knows what else.)

Also, after her dandy little stomach virus? Halle has now been running a high fever for the last two afternoons. Like 102 kinda fever. How awesome is that? I'm watching John try to visualize her throat right now. It's not going well. But there my girl is, crying and gagging and telling us that her throat hurts. Sigh.

Did I mention that I was done? I'm really, really (really) done.

Today we met my Dad for an afternoon ice cream treat. He's leaving for two months. He's headed to my sister's (in Sweden) for the summer. Both of my kids are very melancholy. What I would really love to happen? Is for my nephew to come back with him at the end of July. For maybe 10-14 days? Enough time to camp and play and travel and hang? I'm still crossing my fingers that it might actually happen.

Tomorrow I also need to deal with bills and daycare and mowing the front lawn and planning the outdoor movie night we're hosting on Friday and laundry and work and my 20th reunion and ???? I'm determined to get it all done so I can take a breath and start anew on June 1st.

We're getting close, peeps. Very, very close! I may even survive the last day of this damn month! Maybe? Possibly? Please?

Bitchin' and Cryin' . . .

and vomiting. 

Well to be clear, Halle was vomiting and crying (for her Mama), so we headed home first thing this morning. Of course. I wouldn't want to be anywhere but with my little while she was so sick. And I was teary and impatient and anxious to get home to her. Kudos to my in-laws, because they were up most of the night with her. Kudos to Dylan who woke up to his sister throwing up all over his bed. 

But if I can be horrifically selfish for one moment? 

All I freakin' wanted was a weekend away. One flippin' weekend.

The 1/2 of the weekend that we did get? Was at a funeral and memorial reception.

And yes, I know that I sound like the biggest bitch in the Western world right now, but seriously? One weekend. Two days. One night.

To top it off? John and I got in an argument on the way home. Why in the heck would we choose to talk about finances on our way home from our interupted weekend away? How dumb are we? (Dumb, apparently.) 

So now I'm pissy. And still a little teary. And I feel cheated. Because now I am home, decontaminating every surface in our home from the vomit-fest that seemingly occurred on every darn surface, and I have house guests. And no food in the fridge. It sucks. And I'm pissy. And sound so spoiled and ridiculous. But I wanted to have a lazy day. And not worry about dinner plans for the family/in-laws. 

Sigh. Rant over. I am over it. I am. Or I will be soon.

Random Sunday . . .

I worked at church.

On our way to church? Halle fell down and got got some major road rash. I feel guilty because I had just told her to hurry up. Hello, jerk-Mom!

After we went to Pasquini's last night, I got to spend some time my friend Renee and about 20 of her best friends. OMG. Talk about exactly what that amazing girl needed!

John and I got to sneak out and see "What to Expect When You Are Expecting", while Dylan and a friend saw "Battleship".

I felt a little lame that we went to the movies instead of watching the solar eclipse. But I have been dying to just go to the movies with my husband for so long!

There was some yummy eye-candy in that movie. Who knew? Plus, it was actually really cute. And I may have even cried just a tiny bit!

I colored with Halle for so long this weekend that I feel as if I have carpal-tunnel syndrome. Ouch.

See . . . I told you it was random!

Stick a Fork in Me . . .

I'm done. Done, people. Done with a capitol D!

Dylan went back to school this morning. (Amen.) After sleeping through his alarm. 

Halle also went to school this morning. 

I went to work this morning. After sending Halle off to school with John. After dropping off my car at the dealership for service. (And after successfully negotiating a deal to quasi-make-up-for the bad info we received about our Acadia's tow capacity when we bought it. I.E., we were told twice, both times quite clearly, that it had a tow capacity of 4,500 pounds. Sadly, Stella, as I have named her, can only tow 2,000 pounds. Which is much less than our tent trailer.) 

This was John's first Monday with no clinical hours. Amen. Thankfully. And oh, dear, God; we barely made it through this last semester! This was really the highlight of my day. My week! We even ate lunch together!

I worked today. John ran errands. The children do whatever it is that they do at school. ;-)

At 2:40, John dropped me off at Dylan's school to interview one of our principal candidates. At 2:49 I missed a call from Halle's school. At 2:50, I excused myself and listened to the message which stated, "Hi Amy. This isn't an emergency, but please call me ASAP." I tried to call the school and couldn't get through. I then got a second message that said, "Halle seems to be having a reaction of some kind, she has facial swelling, but she's fine. She's not having any difficulty breathing. Please call us, ASAP." Again, I couldn't through to the school. I called John and told him to just go get her. That she was having a reaction of some kid and having facial swelling.

His first statement? "They need to call 911." I told him to try and call and tell them that because I couldn't reach them.

I was sure he was over-reacting. In an experienced ER nurse kinda way. I went back into the interview. And apologized for how distracted I was. I called the school again and they told me that John was there and all was fine. I finished the interview. I completed the evaluation form. I went and collected Dylan from the office. And then we went out to find John. Who was coming to pick us up. When I couldn't find him? I called. I assumed he would say he was in the parking lot or on the other street.

Nope. He was at an emergent care clinic with Halle. And they were injecting her with epinephrine.

So help me, my heart stopped.

I stumbled around for a minute, then found us a ride to the clinic. (Thank you, Margaret!)

When we got there, made our way to the back and opened the door? I gasped. I caught my breath. I choked on a sob. The swollen little face that was looking at me? Was almost unrecognizable. And John's first words were, "you should have seen her before the epi-pen".

Sigh. I just trudged through a 13 day battle with a horrific virus/strep for Dylan. I was gearing up, not for anything amazing, but just to catch up. Catch. Up.

Tomorrow, I am supposed to get my hair done. As petty as it seems? It's kind of important. To my self esteem. To the idea that folks will look at my beautiful hair color versus my need for a tummy-tuck. And lipo. And, well . . . a breast-lift, if anyone is counting. 

So tomorrow? I will get my hairs did. With Halle by my side. Probably watching the Fresh Beat Band on my iPad. After a night of waking every hour or more often to check for facial edema (or swelling, for us laymen) and respiratory distress.

Really, who needs a decent night's sleep, anyway?

This is my girl AFTER the epinephrine. I'm pretty sure it was a good thing (or a God thing) that I didn't see her before. 

OK, Let's Just Skip to June Already . . .

And yes, I know . . . it's not even officially May yet! 

Every. Single. Year. I. Feel. Like. This.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm under-functioning. I'm melancholy. I'm stressed. I'm anxious. I'm hating work. I'm overwhelmed.

Did I mention that I'm feeling overwhelmed?

Anyway . . . 

I don't know what to do about daycare this summer. We currently have Halle signed up for preschool on Tuesday and Wednesday. But preschool starts at 8:45. Sharp. Let's be honest . . . that's hard for me to make during the winter, let alone during the summer! But last summer, I hired Dylan to watch his sister. Um, yeah. That didn't work. At all. So I'm confused. Unsure. Stressed. And bejiggetty. 

Kindergarten is also stressing me out. Of course, Halle is going to Dylan's school. Of course she is. But it hasn't stopped me from touring our neighborhood Kindergarten program and looking at our two local private school programs.

Neither of my kids feel particularly well. Allergies? Or a virus? Hard to say at this point. But I'm ready to fast-forward over that too!

Work. Ugh. Work. can't say more than that, but really . . . work . . . ugh! 

Politics. Both those that I work with (thus the aforementioned ugh) and the local political plays that are plaguing us. Like our closest fire station being closed until July 1. Pending funding. Political ridiculousness at it's worst.

Money. I am ready to win the lottery. Just saying. (And no . . . I don't play it, so my chances are pretty much zip!)

My husband. God-love him. I'm super worried about him. He's three weeks from finishing his hardest semester for his Master's program. And he's hanging by the thinnest of threads to have enough clinical hours. He missed eight clinical hours today to spend time with his Uncle. Which is so important. But I'm worried about him. So stinkin' worried.

Laundry. Dishes. Bills. Dirty floors. A dog that keeps hacking and coughing like there is something wrong with him (=$$$$ at the vet). No vacation plans for the summer. A daughter who is terrified of her pending dentist appointment. Family that is close but not a part of our daily support system. Or even weekly (or monthly) for that matter. A lot of crap.

It's a lot of real life stuff, I guess. Real life. It's good. Really. 

Just overwhelming at this exact moment.

Did I mention that I'm feeling overwhelmed?

San Francisco Field Trip . . .

I just returned from an amazing two-day adventure with Dylan's 7th grade class. What fun! (Although I am still beyond exhausted. Far beyond . . . )

We spent time at California Academy of Sciences, the Japanese Tea Gardens, the Botanical Gardens and the de Young Museum. Our accommodations? A beautiful campground in the middle of the Presidio! Who knew? The only downside to the beautiful Rob Hill Campground, hidden within the city? The traffic copters circling over our heads beginning at 5:00 am to report on the Golden Gate traffic flow. Ugh. 

I failed to take the GPS unit and instead relied on the printed directions given to us by the teachers and my iPhone. Oh, and the 7th grade boys in my car. Let's just say that I'll be taking the GPS next time! I was sailing down there . . . easy-peasy and then managed to miss the exit off 101 into the Presidio. Ouch. So I pulled over, looked at Google maps and somehow drove up the steepest hill in the city and then back down it. With stop signs at every block. Awesome! I did, however, find where we were supposed to go.

Then . . . drumroll, please . . . I screwed it up AGAIN on the way to the campground. I MISSED THE EXIT TO THE PRESIDIO AGAIN . . . this time, going the opposite direction. Which in laymen's terms means? I had to cross the Golden Gate, turn around in Marin and Cross. The. Golden. Gate. Again. That'll be $6, please! Lesson learned? Don't hesitate to exit just after (southbound) or just before (northbound) the bridge. Do. Not. Hesitate. Oh, and don't forget to bring your GPS.

Highlights?

The giggles and whispered discussion of above-mentioned 7th grade boys when reading about banana slug penises at the Science Museum. Apparently, those slugs can be pretty well endowed . . . their goods get to be about the same size as their bodies! And sometimes, that can get them into trouble. In which case, another banana slug has to gnaw his friend's penis off to de-tangle him from wherever it is that he is trapped. By his big penis. As you can imagine, that was very humorous to a group of 13 year-old boys!

Fireside skits by the students. 95% of them mocking their teachers. Some of them? Spot-on!

Being verbally attacked by a woman in a Volvo, who took the time to stop in the middle of the road, lean over and ROLL DOWN HER CRANK-STYLE WINDOW, to yell at me for being stopped on the side of the road. God-love, my friend Susan who was with me at that moment. I would definitely want Susan on my side if I were to ever get in a bar-fight. That's all I'm saying!

The reason Susan and I were in the car at that moment? Was to pick up a few supplies at a neighborhood market. Foil, specifically. Susan decided that the kids needed to have milk in the morning. So we grabbed 4 gallons of milk. Didn't check the date. Whoops. Fortunately, only a few sips of the spoiled milk was consumed before someone piped up about it tasting funny. Yeah. Three weeks past it's date. Ew. Our intentions were good though!

Watching how well-behaved our students are. Really, truly . . . what a great group of kids!

The view from the observation deck at the de Young.

The bantering in the car and in the tents and along the way. Again . . . great kids! (And chaperones, too!)

Being completely absorbed in an amazing petroglyph exhibit, only to be forceably pushed along because someone in our group was a little gassy. It still makes me giggle to think about it. And yes, I am sometimes as immature as that!

It was great fun and I'm very glad that I decided to skip my statewide staff workshop in order to go. I was on the fence, and really should have gone, but hey, you can only be in one place at any given time. And I love that I was able to choose my child. I am so fortunate to be able to have, or at least try to have, that much balance in my life. Even if balance means repeated trips over the Golden Gate, banana slug penis jokes, being accosted by Volvo-driving women and gassy art exhibits. 

Is it Friday Yet . . .

I mean, really, it sure feels like it should be!

Today I had three other little girls over for a playdate. At. The. Same. Time. You know that three plus (my) one, equals four? The squeals and screaming? Quite possibly made my ears bleed. Just a little. But the good news? The girls loved it. They had fun. More good news? The day/playdate is over. God love them all!

(And yes, that is a queen-sized blow-up bed in my living room. Otherwise known as "The Spring-Break Slide/Indoor Trampoline." Do not judge me!)

Tomorrow I am heading to work at the butt-crack of dawn. Our Shannon is saving us and our conflicting schedules. Again. (Thank you, Shannon!) I mean, really . . . why wouldn't Halle have Spring Break on the same week as my budget hearing? Ha! 

I am desperately looking forward to Friday. In my head? Tomorrow doesn't exist. Friday, however, I get to take Senior pictures for a delightful young lady that I adore. And we are having drinks with a couple that we dearly love and haven't seen much of lately. Then on Saturday? I am putzing around the house with my kids. And we are having dinner with friends. (Sense a theme here?) Sunday is Easter. Monday is a travel day for Dylan and if I can swing it? I am taking the day off.

Which brings us back to tomorrow. Thursday. Which really does exist. Whether I want it to or not. I can't take Monday off unless I get enough done tomorrow. Thursday.

Bring it. Thursday. I can take you.

And yes, in the midst of it, I am still focusing on the Holy Week. Really. even amidst the squeals and budget preparation. So help me. Because the Thursday that I am dreading? Is Maudy Thursday. It's not the holy version of the week that I am struggling with. Nope. It's the modern-life version of Thursday. My prayer? That the Maudy Thursday of biblical times will impress itself over my day. That it will be the filter through which I see and feel.

Again. Bring it. Amen.

DC/New York So Far . . .

I'm glad that I didn't go with Dylan on his trip. Shocking, isn't it? But he is having so much fun without me there! Doesn't even seem to be homesick in the least. He is, however, running low on spending money. There's a good life lesson there . . . what do you spend your money on when your parents are not around to monitor what crap you do/do not buy? (Dylan's answer? He can't even remember! I see a new hat and a Statue of Liberty foam thingy . . . but what I do not see is a new sweatshirt. Ugh.)

And again, thank goodness for technology. Love being able to follow along his trip. Even if I can't force him to change his sweatshirt from here!

Safe and Sound . . .

My boy is home, safe and sound . . . with his arm as straight as (or straighter than) it started. No pins or screws were necessary. They put him out and straightened out the bone, x-rayed and casted him. Easy, peasy! (Compared to how it could have gone.) His new-fangled cast is great. It looks more like a brace than a cast and is even adjustable if he starts to swell up these first couple of days. 

He's laying low. Rumor has it, Papa is on his way over with ice cream. We'll add a milkshake to his post-op snack of mashed potatoes. He'd like a steak or a burger, but I'm thinking that should wait for a bit. Potential nausea, pain meds and watching the Titanic might be too much for one afternoon. (Depressing, aren't we?)

Needless to say, I am grateful that the surgery is behind him. His pain seems manageable. We'll take some time this weekend to get him caught up on the schoolwork he's missed and then hopefully, we'll have a somewhat normal couple of weeks. (Please?)

Healing, rest, gratitude, relief ... thankfulness.

Crazy Insomnia and Yep, and Still Tired . . .

This tiredness has to end. I'm feeling a severe case of the ugly-crazy coming on. I pulled a rookie move last night and thought that I was too tired to need my almost- nightly dose of Ativan to sleep. Lame. I should know better. I slept from 10:30 until about 2:00 am. And then was up until 5:30 am. It wasn't pretty. 

The good news? I finished Moloka'i during those wee hours and was really impressed with the book as a whole. It may be one of my favorite book club picks thus far. 

The bad news? I felt like I was struggling to wake up. All. Day. Long. 

But as for the moment? Both of my kiddos are in bed. Halle is long-since asleep. Dylan is in bed and I am hoping that he gets decent rest tonight. He's very nervous about his surgery tomorrow. Which has been moved to 12:30 in the afternoon. Which stinks for a multitude of reasons. But anyway . . . hoping and praying for an easy procedure with no complications.

John is finishing a few things and then he'll also head to bed. As for me? I am here. In bed. Exhausted. And typing with one eye open and squinting at the screen. Which means that it is (beyond) time for me to go to bed.

How was that for a pathetic and whiney blog post? Good night and here's to tomorrow! Prayers for my boy are always appreciated!