Blissfully Unaware of the Chaos the Surrounds Me

Mountain Top Leadership . . .

In about two hours, I'll be heading up to Tahoe with a group of middle school leaders. 10 kids, 3 adults . . . lots to do between 12:30 today and Sunday morning when we'll come back. Actually, I still have lots to do between now and 12:30 so we can leave!

Halle and John are going to have a great weekend together. I'm excited to be able to go and focus on Dylan for a weekend. But I'm going to miss John and Sis. (I'm so ridiculous, really!) For the next 10 days, I'll only be home for 2. And that gets me all bijiggetty.

On the 17 Day Diet front? I am down 4.5 pounds since Monday. (And yes, those are the same 4.5 pounds that I've gained and lost 1000 times.) Now we're getting into real weight. If I can get down 5.5 pounds from here? I'll officially be getting down to business! This weekend might be tough because I planned a teenager menu . . . not a dieting Mom menu. So I'll be eating lots of lean meat, eggs, nuts, fruit and greek yogurt. I will survive! If I can come back and be a pound less on Monday, I would be pretty damn stoked. Because at this point, it's all a numbers game. I'm ready to play!

Now, although my car is fully loaded with all of the food and drinks for the weekend? I haven't packed any type of clothing, toiletries, camera, Nook, etc. I'd best be getting on that since I need to leave to take Halle to daycare in an hour.

Peace out! I'm Tahoe-bound! I'm sure gonna miss this little cutie while I'm gone:

(It's as close to a first-day-of-school picture as I was allowed to get. First day of second week of school? Maybe it'll be a new tread!)

Rambling . . .

First off, my niece Sydney is in the OR right now, having fluid removed from her chest cavity and lungs. I am feeling really far away (she is in Sacramento). I had offered to go down tonight and hang with her sisters, which ultimately, John's Dad and Stepmom did; but I am feeling really useless. So I am praying a lot.

I am tired, but trying to not complain. I realize that my jet-lag/whacked sleep schedule is a result of my wonderful tropical vacation. I cannot get to sleep before midnight or 1 am. (9 or 10 pm Hawaiian time.) Which kinda sucks when (a) we are no longer in that time zone and (b) it's pouring down rain, cold and nothing like Hawaii here at the moment; and (c) I have to get up at 5:30 am to leave for work in the mornings. But anyway . . . 

I am back to my pre-Hawaii weight. Which was really hard to get to prior to my trip. I was a little whacked about getting back to it. Now that I am there, another 10 pounds to go between now and June 1st. (Yes, you've all heard my arbitrary weight goals before. This is the closest I've been. Easter candy aside.)

Jackass. The movie. I rented it and watched it with Dylan, even though it was unrated. So, so , SO very wrong. But watching him laugh and fall over? Totally worth it! (Although I did skip through a few sections. Very important to note!)

Tahoe. We are supposed to go up there next weekend. Assuming that the highway (80) is open. Dylan's snow clothes are huge on him. So I had to  buy smaller powder pants. Even though I probably gave away this exact size a couple of years ago. So in the last month? I have had to buy him (smaller) swim/summer clothes AND snow clothes. Awesome. I am so glad that I give away things/pass them on too soon! (Don't ask me if Halle's snow boots actually fit her. I am going to assume that they do. And then just shove her feet into them. So help me.) The flu took about 8 pounds off of my already slim son. Praying for wellness and a milkshake or two along the way for him.

My house? A wreck! Dishes, laundry, general crap . . . oh my! I need to pull it together and catch up!

Mac movie . . . I hired an 11 year-old to make a memorial video that I should have had done months ago. Photos are scanned. Video is input. Music is chosen. The family member in question? (John's stepmom's son), is back in hospice care. And I don't feel confident that I can whip this thing together in a timely manner. But an acquaintance's son knows the program . . . I haven't negotiated price yet, but I'm oh-so-certain that it will be well worth it!

Tomorrow I have two doctor's appointments. The first is with my GYN. To review my care/peri-menopausal plan and subsequent hormone levels. My bet? That my estrogen is "high", or at least higher than I am used to (non-existent). My gamble is a 280-310 range, versus my (normal) below 50 that I've become used to in the last three years. (Below 50, by the way, equals the typical range for a male.) I am guessing this because of several factors, not the least of which are some really (TMI!) tender boobs. So we'll see. :)

The second appointment? In quasi-relation to those tender boobs? Is a bilateral breast ultrasound with a breast specialist. This was the recommendation following my baseline mammogram. Then I have a secondary mammogram next week as well. I am still banking on the idea that I have lumpy, bumpy (but non-malignant) boobs, nothing more.

Lastly, I am clearly handling things well/better/more even-keeled because of my Lexapro. Otherwise known as what has kept me sane and healthy since December 21st. I am 100% certain that pharmaceuticals are/can be utilized to keep us all heathier/happier/more balanced. Which is clearly the case with me and my doctor's recommendation to utilize a mood stabilizer to well; um, stabilize me. Amen and amen. More on that later.

But just know that without it? Things like packing/prepping/scheduling/relationships/breast ultrasounds are much, much harder for me. And I am all about surviving/bettering/enjoying the process. And if Lexapro helps make that a better journey for me?  Amen.

 

My Day . . .

it was a good one.

For starters, I was exhausted and John let me sleep in until 7:20. Whoohoooo! That was especially exciting because Halle decided she would be up for the day by about 5:40. I convinced her to sleep until about 6:30 (with me crammed next to her in her twin bed), so that 50 minutes in my warm bed . . . alone? Was awesome.

I have been bribing Halle all week to not cry when I drop her off at preschool (I know. I am a bad/weak/cheap mother. Whatever. It worked for me.) And today, day three of said bribery? She was excited to go! (But I still had to wave the entire time that I walked off the playground. A total parade wave if you will. I almost tripped over seven preschoolers along the way!)

John and I went for a walk. In the hills above our house. By ourselves. It was a perfect combination of date/exercise. Of course now he wants to do P90X together. I was perfectly content with walking the hills. Thank you very much.

I had two protein shakes and a great chicken/spinach/strawberry bowl to eat today. And then I ate some really bad (for you) food at RLG. But it's all about balance, right?

I had a great counseling session today. I know. Weird how exciting that is? But I've been, as I like to say, working on my shit. And today was a great hour of realizing how far I've come/will come/am growing as a person. Like a real-live grown-up.

While I was walking from my car to my counseling appointment? I overheard two young men say that I was "one hot bitch." I had to stop myself from saying thank you! Or, "you got that right!" (Ha, ha, ha!)

I took Dylan to the orthopedic surgeon today. He thinks that he may have actually fractured a piece of his patella when he fell on it a few weeks ago. Good news for Dylan? We're late enough in the game to keep doing what we're doing. Which is ignoring it. As long as it doesn't hurt him too badly. And as long he he is a little more careful playing basketball on the blacktop. With no referees. (At school.)

Then I went to the doctor to determine that the weird growth/node/bump on the side of my neck is likely a sebaceous or waxy cyst. Gross! And I can continue to ignore it, as I mostly have been for the last three months. (Do you think that ignoring medical issues is becoming a theme around here?)

When I was at the doctor? I had asked Dylan to sweep the kitchen and pick up his room. When I came home? He had done both of those things, PLUS dusted, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom and basically? Cleaned the entire house! Love that kid! He is going to make a great husband someday! And for now, he is one great son.

And now, it's 10:32. John should have been home 15 minutes ago. And I am fading fast. He'd better hurry if he wants to see under my eyelids. They are growing heavy!

Two Pounds Down . . .

fifteen to go!  Isn't that a weird number? That I am aiming to lose 17 pounds altogether? But that would put me at 148, which is a heck-of-a-lot-less than I've weighed for a long time and not my thinnest ever, either.  It's my happy-medium/almost 40 goal weight. Then, if for some miraculous reason that I can do that and still keep the scale moving down? We'll talk!  But I'd be happy, happy, happy to be a size 8-10 and a solid medium. I am not happy about the fact that lots of size mediums are still too tight. Darn this belly I've grown!

The difficult part? I'd like that 15 pounds to be gone in 9 weeks.  Prior to Hawaii, if you're keeping track of my vacation plans :) Goals are good. Real markers on the calendar tend to be good things for me and, oddly, I am very motivated right now. Not to only lose weight, but to feel good. And let's be honest, skinny feels good!

Finally, a little follow-through . . .

How long ago did I say I was going to start Weight Watchers?  Yeah, it's been a while.  And today, glorious today, I actually did it.  My starting weight?  178 pounds.  Sound familiar?  It's the same freakin' weight that I've been for the last several months.  Apparently, my body likes that number!  I however, do not.

Tomorrow, I'm going to inquire at our local gyms about membership.  I have a serious love/hate relationship with gyms.  They intimidate the heck out of me.  The cost (for something I hate to do) is ridiculously high.  Plus, those damn contracts . . . good luck getting out of those.  (Does anyone remember that one Friends episode where one of the guys tries to get out of their gym membership?  Which one was it?  I can't remember!)  But Dylan really wants to start "working out" and I know at least one of the gyms has a youth fitness program that he'd like.  And it would give me a break - even just 20 minutes on the treadmill or elliptical - without managing Halle.  Even if she fussed in childcare, they could handle it for 20-30 minutes.  And it would give me another reason to be motivated.  Because if I'm going to spend money on it, then I'm way more intentional.  So we'll see how bad it would cost us and go from there.

So my goal is a realistic 155 pounds.  That's my first goal.  My real goal is more like 148.  But I'd be a lot closer at 155!  So we'll start there.

The weird thing?  I get 33 Points each day!  I know it's because (a) I'm starting out so heavy and (b) I'm still nursing, but that's crazy!  The last time I did WW?  I was down to 20 points a day!  So 33 seems ridiculously high.  Not that I won't eat them, but still!

178.5 . . . Holy Crap!

I feel like I should be at a meeting, holding hands and lighting candles . . . "Hi, my name is Amy and I weigh 178.5 pounds."  You all, would of course reply with, "Hi Amy!"  But I digress . . .

My weight as of today, is officially 3.5 pounds heavier than just prior to delivering Dylan.  Oh shit.

The good news?  I was actually close to 175 pounds when I got pregnant with Halle. 

The bad news?  All that weight has shifted around over the last year+.  It's now tucked into all sorts of different places that I didn't even know existed.  And those hidden places make my clothes not fit.  Not even close to fitting!

So, all that good news/bad news aside . . . I can do something about this!  Absolutely!  The last time I did Weight Watchers online was four years ago.  i started at 169 and ended at 144.  I lost about a pound per week.  And never exercised.  So, in order to achieve my healthier lifestyle . . . because I want to be healthy, not just (a lot) thinner . . . I'll be exercising moderately through this journey.

I also realize that 144 is not a realistic weight that I can maintain.  I am 5'9" so 144 actually puts me almost into a size 6.  I would love to get down to and maintain right around 148.  That lands me into a size 8 in most clothing lines.  A size 6 in the really expensive ones, of course . . . and Banana Republic which I think is weird.  If Banana Republic and Gap and Old Navy are all one and the same, shouldn't their sizes be one and the same?  But no!  Anyway . . .

Realizing that we're heading on vacation and I just don't diet well over vacation, but also heading into summer, which means I eat way better . . . fruits and veggies just sound good!  Although I do drink more . . . it's just the seasonal thing to do! I also am still breastfeeding and that is really my priority right now.  I think that a 1.5 pound per week (average) weight loss is fairly realistic.  So if I have 30 pounds to lose, I should be able to lose them over approximately 20 weeks.  Which would land me at August 31st.  (Nothing like being my heaviest over the course of swimsuit season . . . but anyway . . . ) 

If, however, I feel like my ability to nurse Halle is ever at risk, I will back off the weight loss journey ASAP.  It's just not worth it to me.  I can always lose weight.  I only have so long to offer this to my baby girl.  And I really want to get her close to a year.  It would save us $$$$$ versus buying formula and I really believe it's the best start for her.

So I'll join Weight Watchers tomorrow.  And begin the journey.  Thank God for those Flex Points, is all I have to say.  I like to drink my Flex Points.  It just seems like the responsible thing to do!  There are still Flex Points, right?  Someone better tell me that there are!  Because that is what keeps me sane, calculating the number of margaritas I can drink over the course of this adventure!  (I really do sound like I need to be in a meeting, don't I?)

Once I plot it out, it makes me feel a little more in control.  I can go buy a few summer pieces to get us through Hawaii and into summer, because I am only talking about one season's worth of clothes.  By fall, I can be back into the clothes that are already in my closet.  And I adore skirts and tanks for the summer, which can typically span a couple of sizes, versus being so exact.

This is going to be OK.  I just have to stop my incessant binging, and be accountable when I do binge.  That's the beauty of WW for me.  There is nothing off-limits.  I just have to account for everything that goes into my mouth.  And that's where I gain my weight, is by popping stuff into my mouth and acting like it doesn't add up.  (It does, add up, by the way.  Just look at my size 14 ass for proof!)

I will take a photo this week.  Just for me.  (Sorry!)  And then when I hit my goal weight, I'll post the comparision.  Kind of like the old photos they rip through on Biggest Loser, but not quite as dramatic!

If anyone (Bueller?  Bueller?) wants to go on this journey with me?  I'm sure there is a way to set up a group through Yahoo or something that would allow us to support one another.  Otherwise, I'll be putting it out there for you all to see.  Every week.  But only once a week.  Because there's a lot more to my life than how big my butt is!

Peace out!  We're heading to baseball, amigos.

No Posted Weight Today . . . Sorry!

Why, you ask?  Well, mostly because I'm a big believer in the early morning, post-pee, pre-water consumption and completely naked weight.  And by the time I thought of jumping on the scale, I'd already had a couple of huge tumblers of water and was dressed.  And God knows, I sure wasn't going to get naked after already getting dressed.  Geez.

Also, because I was busy this morning.  I was busy getting my Mirena IUD.  And I only report that here because I have a long-standing history of reporting TMI birth control issues on my blog.  So it's kinda like tradition.  Just hope and pray that I do well with this.  Let's hope that we never again experience side effects like I did with that hideous Nuva Ring (crossing myself as I even mention that Devil's spawn.  Shudder.  Shudder.)

And with that, I really need to get ready to leave.  I'm packing up the family and taking a road trip to my statewide staff workshop.  In the big 'ole town of San Jose.  I openly admit that I am only interested in about 2 of the 15 offerings.  So I'm only going to those!  And then on Friday, we're going to Paramount's Great America.  Where I will take a picture of my little family in front of the double-decker carousel.  Upon our return, I will find the photo that I have of my sister and I in the same spot in the late 1970s/early 80s.  The one where I look like a cast member from Little House on the Prairie and she is wearing Dolphin shorts.  And maybe a terry cloth tube top.  'Nuff said.  You know you want to see that photo!

Couch to 5K

It's time.  It's time to get rid of some of the excess weight I've been lugging around.  To wave goodbye to the pastries and pop-tarts of my pregnancy.  While I'll miss the memories, I won't miss the too-tight clothes and saggy belly.  Of course, they'll be around for awhile longer, I'm sure.  It took me a long time to gain all this weight and it'll take a while to shed it too.

I made the commitment today to start my Couch to 5K running plan again.  And to eat better.  I'm not quite ready to start Weight Watchers, just because I'm a little paranoid about risking my milk supply.  (Mooooooooooooooo!)  But I did my Day 1 . . . 20 minutes on the treadmill, alternating 90 seconds of walking with 60 seconds of jogging.  And I might hurt in the morning, but I'm hoping it won't be too bad.  Really hoping . . . because for these next five weeks, I'm going to try and do the program 5 days a week instead of 3.  Because, did I tell you?  Drumroll, please . . .

We're going to Hawaii in May.  I've never been.  John, of course, used to own a house there, so he's like a quasi-native.  Well, that might be a slight exaggeration, but anyway . . . I am really excited.  I've never been to Hawaii.  I have wanted to go for a long time, though.  And as long as Halle-boo isn't crawling?  I couldn't think of a better time.  And I will not put her on her tummy for the next five weeks, just to keep her immobile for as long as possible. 

So anyway . . .  I'm not going to be extreme, but I am just going to pay attention.  And I'm going to limit the really bad crap that I bring into the house (Oreo Cakesters, for example).  And I'll focus on getting back into shape . . . slowly, but surely. 

Tomorrow, just to prove I'm serious, I'm thinking about posting my weight on my blog.  Holy cow.  That's scary, but I might just do it!  Check back and see.  Unless you are my husband.  And then you, my dearest, can just always assume that I'm dainty - no numbers necessary!

Lastly, here is a photo that John's stepmom took with her iPhone yesterday when we went down to Lincoln to have dinner with the family.  I'm totally jealous of her iPhone.  I just wish that I could get one and not switch cell phone carriers.  Why couldn't Apple hop into bed with Verizon?  Seriously?  Anyway . . . the photo:

(I didn't notice that thing on their wall before, just to the right of my head in the picture.  It looks like I have a crazy bird's nest in my hair.  But I don't.  I swear!  I think it's a vase with dried flowers and feather in it.  Or I was having a really bad hair moment!  Too funny!)