Blissfully Unaware of the Chaos the Surrounds Me

Random Sunday . . .

I worked at church.

On our way to church? Halle fell down and got got some major road rash. I feel guilty because I had just told her to hurry up. Hello, jerk-Mom!

After we went to Pasquini's last night, I got to spend some time my friend Renee and about 20 of her best friends. OMG. Talk about exactly what that amazing girl needed!

John and I got to sneak out and see "What to Expect When You Are Expecting", while Dylan and a friend saw "Battleship".

I felt a little lame that we went to the movies instead of watching the solar eclipse. But I have been dying to just go to the movies with my husband for so long!

There was some yummy eye-candy in that movie. Who knew? Plus, it was actually really cute. And I may have even cried just a tiny bit!

I colored with Halle for so long this weekend that I feel as if I have carpal-tunnel syndrome. Ouch.

See . . . I told you it was random!

A Non-Distracted Life . . .

How do we do this? How, in the midst of the constant realm of electronic (and immediate) media, do we choose to be intentional with our actual lives? Versus the most recently updated Facebook status, Twitter streams and DVR'd latest episodes of the most popular TV shows?

I don't have an answer, but I'm trying to make my way.

I'm realizing the moments that make up our day . . . the days that make up our lives? They are the ones that matter. They create the sum total. 

My sum total? I want . . . no, I need to equal family + friends + community + service + God + faith + good + honorable + generous.

The word problem and final equation of me should be, no must be . . .

AMY = FAMILY + FRIENDS + COMMUNITY + SERVICE + GOD + FAITH + GOOD + HONORABLE + GENEROUS + LOVING

Yes, Facebook and Twitter and my iPhone and my iPad and my iMac and my blog and my DVR and my email and my text messages and my busyness  and my Photoshop. . . they all play a part in that equation.

BUT . . . they don't play the central role.

The central role is relationship. I can't focus on relationship (with my spouse, my children, my friends, my community), if I'm constantly listening for my phone to "ping" or for my email to "ding". Sometimes that Ding or Ping helps create a  bridge to community, children, friends, spouse . . . but a lot of times (most of the time?) it destroys that bridge.

Today I met with a dear friend and talked about the details of the service to honor and remember her husband. The father of her children.

Today I took Halle out to the "big backyard" and pushed her on the swing for 20 minutes.

Today I took Dylan to Target and rode the cart like a scooter and held his hand and skiped through the aisles and talked about STDs. (It's Sex Ed week at school!)

Today I was so proud of Halle as she conquered her fear of the dentist and got X-Rays and fluoride and an exam with minimal tears.

Today I basically decided that the pediatrician could piss off (she determined that allergy testing wasn't important and that we might never know what caused Halle's severe reaction on Monday).

Today I was relived that we already have an appointment with the allergist.

Today I Photoshopped a photo to include with an obituary.

Today I decided that along with annual exams? The doctor should require a simple (yet high resolution)  head shot. Photoshopping the ferry background out of an obituary photo will make you consider such policies!

Today I promised my daughter that I would read her two books a day. No excuses.

Today I cracked up (outloud) at Modern Family.

Today I made plans (via text) to spend a day with Halle's Godmother.

All of these meanderings lead me to what's at the center.

FAMILY + FRIENDS + COMMUNITY + SERVICE + GOD + FAITH + GOOD + HONORABLE + GENEROUS + LOVING

I'm focusing. How can technology help me work towards the center? How can it distract me from my dream? Ironicaly? It all comes back to my "One Word" words . . . BALANCE and WHOLENESS. Bring it.

Although. let's be clear, Balance and Wholeness aside . . . I'm damn good at creating  an obituary photo from a snapshot taken on the ferry. If necessary.

Perspective . . .

I had a long post typed out about Mother's Day. Typepad ate it. So here's the short and sweet version:

Hold your family and dear ones close. Hold them tight. Tell them I'm sorry and I love you and I treasure you and you matter. 

I'm feeling really blessed right now. At the same time, I am so very sad for our dear friends. Andy is barely hanging on. He told Renee last night that he was going to go soon. The boys and Renee and his dear parents said their goodbyes. I am so incredibly sad for them. I am struggling to reconcile the loss of such a young man. A husband. A dad. A teacher. A son. A friend. I am just sad. These songs are on an almost constant loop on my iPhone:

And with that . . . go hug your loved ones. Say a little prayer of thanks. And please, if you don't mind, remember my friends in your prayers. Andy, Renee, Matthew and Ian. Martha and Pop (Andy's parents).

From here. (But I feel the need to re-create it with a "your" for "you" sweetness.)

11-20 on my 1,000 things:

11. My son who made his sister's lunch because I forgot.

12. My BFF who drove to our house, picked up said lunch and then drove it to Halle's preschool.

13. Not running out of gas, even after ignoring the "low fuel warning" for 30 miles.

14. A mileage reimbursement check that I had forgotten about.

15. Saying "no" to a fun activity on Friday night to spend time with my boy instead.

16. John's safe travels to and from Sacramento, especially given how little sleep he has had.

17. My employee picking up my favorite chai latte from Starbuck's and having it waiting for me when I got to work.

18. Quiet time in the car with good worship tunes on extra-loud.

19. Waterproof mascara for when my tears leaked out.

20. Dylan's fever easing in the middle of the night.

Happy Birthday . . .

to Our Shannon!

We wish we were in Maui celebrating with you! We hope that the sand is soft, the waves are gentle and the sunshine is warm upon your face; just like our love for you.

Thank you for being you. Kind. Loving. Generous. Caring. Sweet. Thoughtful. Funny. Beautiful. You.

This year is certain to be your best year yet. We can't wait to see you love your upcoming addition. We know that you will be an amazing mother. There's simply no doubt!

Happy birthday, sister-friend.

Justice . . .

Law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress. Martin Luther King, Jr

Justice is sweet and musical; but injustice is harsh and discordant. Henry David Thoreau

Justice in the life and conduct of the State is possible only as first it resides in the hearts and souls of the citizens. Plato

Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe. Frederick Douglass

This is one of those vague entries where if this were my (true) journal? There would be expletives and truth and ugly reckoning and No. Holding. Back.

But instead, I will dance gently around the truth and only say that I am greatly disappointed when someone is 100% (150%?) trying to do the right thing and they are (cock) blocked. Unable to move forward. Not allowed to solve the problem. Repeatedly ramming themselves into a brick wall. How frustrating to be assumed as and dealt with as a number, versus as a person. To not be heard. To be labeled as something or someone that you are not.

Uncomfortable, yet honest segue . . . isn't it a horrible occurrence when you realize that you are basically reading a personal manifesto and yet you STILL do not understand who or what the writer is referring to?

Moving on . . . kinda . . . 

So help me . . . I am tired of the regulations, the policies, the government, the establishment, the wretched sense of accomplishment that our society has adopted and am seriously considering walking away from it all and serving (with my family) in a third-world nation for enough time for us to completely disown our American tendencies and expectations of The Establishment. The wretched status-quo.

And yes, I work for the government. 

But right now? I am ready to bundle up my family, sell off everything and make a boat our home for a while. I'm tired. Tired of skewed priorities. And, while we (!!) are discussing it?

Tired of our cat (nick-named Shitty Kitty). Tired of tired. Tired of today. (Is it tomorrow yet?) Tired of injustice. That place where the good people get ignored. Where the right candidate doesn't have the right piece of paper. Where the little girl gets pushed/punched and spit on (!!!) by a boy at preschool. Where the talented/pretty/amazingly sweet girl doesn't get included or invited because they refuse to play the junior-high popularity game. Tired of having to drive to the middle-of-nowhere to try and convince someone to just do what the law compells them to do! (Especially the driving! And the convincing!) Where it is a constant push-pull between two working parents and two active children and an overwhelming desire to do what is right. Where you know what is best for your little family, but feel like you are fighting a never-ending battle to do what is rihgt and good and better and everything that you want for them/you  but oh, you are so tired. Where doing right doesn't always equal the reward. Or the acknowledgement. Or even understanding.

And yes, I am suffering from an acute case of the melodrama.

Let's hope it's a fast-acting viral consumption. So we can move on.

Moving on . . . 

Please . . . just move along. Nothing to see here.

But before you go. Know that I still (100%) am blessed. Beyond measure. I have it all, or at least the potential to tap into it all. God. Family. Friends. And most importantly? Grace.

Thankfully.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday . . .

We had a great few days. Tiring, but great.

I had a great breakfast with a lovely young lady on Friday morning. Mindy is a delight. She loves Jesus. She loves my kids. She is beautiful, smart, talented, funny, motivated and did I mention? She likes to hang with me too! We had a great breakfast at Morning Thunder (yum!) and talked about lots of good stuff. Senior year of high school kinda stuff. Big worldly stuff. Friend stuff. We shared life. And I love that. I am so blessed to add another young lady to "our girls".

After breakfast, I headed out to run a couple of errands. (There was NO line at the Post Office! I stood there in stunned silence for a moment because I didn't know what to do!) Then I met up with colleagues for lunch at Sierra Nevada. After that, I headed home. Our Shannon came over and hung out with us. Both of the kids had friends over. I cleaned out Dylan's clothes/shoes/half-of-his-closet. John headed out for the Air Force base. Auntie Karissa even came over for a short while . . . although she refused a drink. So rude! We made nachos for dinner. I enjoyed some Prosecco, even though I was forced to drink it by myself. Again . . . rude!

Friday night I got smart and let Halle sleep in our bed, in order to sleep later on Saturday morning. (Worked like  charm!) I, on the other hand, didn't sleep well at because Dylan's buddies came and TP'd our house. At 11:30. Which means I was just dozing off into a blissful slumber when the dog went ballistic and I was forced to chase off a group of teenagers wielding more rolls of toilet paper. Then I had to scare them off again when they tried to sneak back to finish off the job. Then I couldn't get back to sleep! (Dylan slept through the entire thing. Of course!)

Our Saturday morning consisted of donuts with our Shannon (yeah!), cleaning up toilet paper, another playdate for Halle and mowing the lawn (me). As a side note, I'm realizing that all of Dylan's chore require two arms. Ugh. I cleaned some stuff out of the garage and listed it on a local yard sale site. Made me feel like I'd actually accomplished something! It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed the sunshine all afternoon. I made nachos for dinner. (Second night in a row, if you're counting!) Dylan and I finished watching Tower Heist, which I started with John, but fell asleep before finishing it. (Sorry, babe!)

On Sunday, we didn't even pretend like we were going to church. Good thing I have a long drive tomorrow. That podcast will come in handy. We did lots of stuff around the house. My Mom came over for a quick visit. The Lauren and Prince Bobby came over for a visit. To Halle's delight, they brought the dogs. She was in doggie heaven! We sat out in the backyard, enjoyed the sunshine and just relaxed. It was kind of heavenly. Halle re-discovered lots of fun outside toys. Dylan had a major attack of the itchy cast, so we ended up pouring baby powder down his arm and blow-drying it through the cast. (Hint: do this outside if you ever try it. We didn't. Learn from us!)

John made it home safely from his drill weekend. The kids got see him for a bit before bed and then I got to see him! We actually made it through the season premiere of Army Wives. With a lot of eye-rolling. Clearly they have run out of even somewhat plausible drama!

And so went our weekend. It felt like spring, family and easy-times . . . all rolled into one. Now, that's a weekend!

Fresh Beat Band . . .

live was an amazing show. Yes, I am publicly admitting that I loved a live event geared 100% towards preschoolers! Why? Because of the overwhelming excitement and joy that Halle experienced.

At the beginning of every single song, she would turn to us and say, "I know this song!" She would then hit the aisle (right next to our box seats) and start dancing. At one point, she was on the ground break-dancing. Seriously. When one of the band members (Shout), came running down the aisle and touched her shoulder, I actually thought that she might swoon!

Utter and complete joy. And isn't that the best kind of boost you can receive as a parent?

Her Rockstar jacket was coveted by many. I think we could have sold it off her back for several hundred dollars. But she wasn't letting that happen. Heck no! That was her Rockstar jacket . . . her custom Rockstar jacket, nonetheless . . . back off, lookers! (I cannot thank Shannon's mom enough. What an amazing gift!) As an aside/pat-on-my-own back? I couldn't ever find the perfect "Kiki" shirt according to Halle's impossible standards. So I ended up cutting the polka-dotted sleeves off of one (perfectly good) shirt and hand-stitching them onto another (perfectly good) striped shirt, while John drove us to Modesto. Don't say I never did anything for you, sister . . . 

To top off the concert? Our visit with Lauren and Bobby. And their two puppies, Kody and Isla. Holy cats, did Halle ever think they were the coolest! She has their next visit to Chico all planned out. And it basically consists of Kody and Isla coming to stay with us. The end. She cried about leaving the dogs. So hurry to Chico, Lauren and Bobby!

While there, Bobby intrigued me with his fancy Apple TV. (Of course, this was after I already purchased the Roku for John's birthday. It would be ridiculous to have both. Right?) What really got my attention was the ability to stream directly from your Apple devices. Like all the little video bits on my iPhone. Right up there on the big TV. Tempting, for sure!

Also on our way home? We were able to meet up with my life-long friend, Mel and his lady-friend, Pam. Pam, by the way? Completely delightful. She makes him happy. And that is all we ever wanted for him! Someone who makes him happy. Simple, isn't it?

Needless to say? I am very glad that I bought those tickets for Halle's Christmas gift. She may not remember how excited she was when she's older, but I have this blog to remind her. And some photos. And some video clips. Now if only I had Apple TV . . . I could show her so easily! Halle's exact words at the end of the concert? "Best Christmas gift EVER!"

Weekend Recovery . . .

Wow . . . it was one of those weekends. Lots of highs and some hard things too. I'm tired and still looking for that pause button so we can all take a deep breath (or three) and recover.

As for the really good stuff of the weekend . . . Dylan rocked his basketball tournament! He ended up being the All-Tourney pick for his team and I was so proud! It caught us completely off-guard and I'm kind of glad, because otherwise? I might have cried! I was so incredibly excited for him. He deserved it . . . I've never seen him play better. He was beyond solid. What a great way to end the season!

After Dylan's tournament was over, I was able to do one of the hard, yet really good things. I had the honor of photographing Cindy Chalmer's Celebration of Life. It was hard. (Hard to focus when the tears are blurring your vision.) But I was so, so honored. Cindy was the mom of one of my best friends in elementary school. (Are you following me here?) She was one of the woman in my life who really showed me - by example - what it mean to be a good Mom! She was an amazing Mom, a generous donor and giver in our community (of her time, talents and resources) and a wonderful wife. I am am beyond sad that she passed away. I do, however, believe that she survived a late-stage Ovarian cancer diagnosis for 10.5 YEARS by way of sheer will, determination, good healthy practices, pure kindness, out-of-the-box treatment regimes and most importantly? Out of total love for her family. She lived to see both of her daughters married to good men. She lived to see all of her five grandchildren born. She lived to travel lots of journeys that she, statistically speaking? Shouldn't have experienced. And I am so glad that she did! Anyway . . . long story short . . . it was hard to do. But a true blessing, indeed.

Through all of this, John was gone for his Air Force drill weekend. And Halle-boo brought the attitude full-force while he was gone. I was, admittedly, too tired to fight most of it. So we just pushed through . . . and skipped anything not super-important!

As for now? I am coming off the sugar-high that is Valentine's Day. Tomorrow we head to see the Fresh Beat Band (!!!!!!) Live. We also get to see and visit and hang with and crash with (!!!!!) Lauren and Prince Bobby. Then Friday is John's birthday. And then . . . blessedly, we have a four-day-weekend. Amen.

And that's all I've got for now!

Girls' Trip 2012 . . .

Thank goodness for (1) Zofran, (2) IV fluids and (3); my hubby who can administer them both to me when I am desperately in need! If it wasn't for those three things/peeps, I wouldn't have been participating in Girls' Trip this year. And I really, really wanted to go. As evidenced by my willingness to buy adult diapers. Just in case!

Sunshine, life-long friends, the beach, champagne, Segways, laughter, tears, food, trashy magazines, over-indulgence, the Ritz, emotional meltdowns, Club-level, homemade marshmallows (super-yummy, Shannon!), cupcakes, furs, mouth-guards, relaxation, being real . . . all of that together? Equals bliss. Total bliss. 

I am so very blessed to know these women. To love and be loved by them.