Blissfully Unaware of the Chaos the Surrounds Me

Sydney Update . . .

This was too good not to share, even if you don't know my niece, Sydney. This is the email that my SIL (Sydney's real Aunt) sent out this morning:

I hope that everyone who I forwarded Traci's text to yesterday got the good news--I know several don't text and I sent that to you.  No Cancer!!!

 Now a little back story--and just a little because so much more happened this week that was beyond amazing that I don't have the time to tell it all here!  At 930pm...after the doctors left after having just delivered the most frightening news we've heard to date, we all cried, but Traci was sobbing, and she threw her coffee cup in the trash can and said, "F---Greg! How much can one family take? How much?!" And I held her and prayed silently while she sobbed in my arms--"Lord if you don't help this family, we are undone!"  A few seconds later, the nurse popped her head in and said, “Sydney would like to see you now!"  And Traci's head snapped up, shoulders back, she pointed to the trash can and she said, "I'm not going there!'--rage, questioning and fear...'After all we've through and all the Lord has helped us through, we've got to trust Him Greg! Our daughter needs us to trust Him!" Greg and I followed her lead, wiped our eyes and followed her down the dim hospital corridor to their precious daughter's room. Hooked up to the ICU monitor, 2 chest tubes a foley catheter, 2 IV's and an art line, Sydney looked up and searched their faces for any sign of concern.  Seeing only confident smiles and hearing their loving words, she drifted back to sleep.  And thus began the long road of waiting for pathology and all that cancer implied.

At 1am, Trace pulled out a devotional that a friend had sent w/ her. She asked me what the date was--now the 24th.  She read to me--while Greg walked the hall crying and praying...

I am adding it here so we can read it too and note that it was sent to me that same night in an email by my dear friend Denise. 

Thu, March 24, 2011 8:41:28 PM

From the daily devotional, "Jesus Calling".

This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go:  of loved ones, of possessions, of control.  In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete.  Take time to bask in the Light of My Love.  As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing your prized possession into My care.

You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through awareness of My continual Presence.  The One who never leaves you is the same One who never changes:  I am the same yesterday, today, and forever.  As you release more and more things into My care, remember that I never let go of your hand.  Herein lies your security, which no one and no circumstance can take from you.

Psalm 89:15; Hebrews 13:8; Isaiah 41:13.

Perhaps now you can appreciate that she chose to go to God for comfort--after all she has been through and learned, she wasn't going to waste any time raging at him! And she didn't waste any time making her choice.  

When the cardiothoracic surgeon came through last night and told them, in front of Sydney who they have been trying to protect from the "C" word all week, "Well, it is definitive, there is no cancer!"  Sydney said, "Well I KNEW that! I've never had cancer!"  The doctor and Trace and Greg laughed with huge relief!--from the mouth of babes!

And now I have a confession to make.  At 2am, on March 24th, as I sat and watched over my precious Sydney and my beautiful sleeping sister at her side, I looked out into the raining dark night and sighed, "Yes Lord, Just how much can one family take?"  And clear as a bell I heard Him say, "Stop asking me that and start saying, "How much love, joy, peace, comfort, hope and help can one family experience!"  

This morning at around 1am--my sweet friend Denise, who sent the message to us on the 24th, sent today's devotional from "Jesus Calling" and I can't wait for you to see it.  It summarizes all that we know of Him.

In His Amazing grace, Robyn

God bless your day…

Subject: Jesus Calling
Date: Mon, 28 Mar 2011 12:27:30 -0700

Today:

"I am a God who gives and gives and gives.  When I died for you on the cross, I held back nothing; I poured out My Life like a drink offering.  Because giving is inherent in My nature, I search for people who are able to receive in full measure.  To increase your intimacy with Me, the two traits you need the most are receptivity and attentiveness.  Receptivity is opening up your innermost being to be filled with My abundant riches.  Attentiveness is directing your gaze to Me:  Searching for Me in all your moments.  It is possible to stay your mind on Me, as the prophet Isaiah wrote.  Through such attentiveness you receive a glorious gift.  My perfect Peace."

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.

(Amy here . . . ) Lesson of the day, for me? God is good. So very, very good. Infinitely bigger than anything that you or I can fathom. And He cares for us in ways that we don't even know that we need. And He shines through us all, even in our darkest of days.

Moving the Boob Post . . .

down.

Really, that was the entire reason I came to the computer. I thought that my breast non-issues had reigned supreme for enough days on my little blog.

So now it is raining. (Still.) My boy is on his way to Cal Skate to hang with a group of friends. My girl is napping. My man is delivering the boy to his skating/socializing fun and then running errands. Which all added together? Means that I should be snuggled up on the couch, reading our Book Club pick, The Postmistress. Because we're meeting on it in two days. And I can't seem to get past the first 50 pages.

Or, I could go snuggle up on the couch and read trashy tabloids and watch TV. Why does that sound so much better?

We are having dinner with some good friends tonight and my contribution to dinner (Taco Chicken!) is already in the crock-pot. The drink fixings are in the bag. I'm feeling like it's all dialed in.

And since Dylan and I already walked 3.5 miles in the wind and pouring-down rain this morning for a local non-profit event? I am really feeling the lazy/trashy version of my rainy afternoon, versus the responsible Book Club version.

I can fake a few comments on the novel and just be sure to have my mouth full when any additional questions are asked. Book Club back-up plan activated!

Boobs . . .

are normal. More specifically, my boobs are normal 36-year-old, post-nursing boobs. 

I will follow up with a repeat ultrasound in three months, just to note any changes, then should be on a normal protocol from there.

And we made it up to the surgeon's office in Paradise in the gusty wind and rain, finished the ultrasound and out the door before they lost power. Nicely timed!

Now I'm taking the afternoon off. Which should include cleaning up my house, but I'm not 100% convinced that sounds like fun.

 

Rambling . . .

First off, my niece Sydney is in the OR right now, having fluid removed from her chest cavity and lungs. I am feeling really far away (she is in Sacramento). I had offered to go down tonight and hang with her sisters, which ultimately, John's Dad and Stepmom did; but I am feeling really useless. So I am praying a lot.

I am tired, but trying to not complain. I realize that my jet-lag/whacked sleep schedule is a result of my wonderful tropical vacation. I cannot get to sleep before midnight or 1 am. (9 or 10 pm Hawaiian time.) Which kinda sucks when (a) we are no longer in that time zone and (b) it's pouring down rain, cold and nothing like Hawaii here at the moment; and (c) I have to get up at 5:30 am to leave for work in the mornings. But anyway . . . 

I am back to my pre-Hawaii weight. Which was really hard to get to prior to my trip. I was a little whacked about getting back to it. Now that I am there, another 10 pounds to go between now and June 1st. (Yes, you've all heard my arbitrary weight goals before. This is the closest I've been. Easter candy aside.)

Jackass. The movie. I rented it and watched it with Dylan, even though it was unrated. So, so , SO very wrong. But watching him laugh and fall over? Totally worth it! (Although I did skip through a few sections. Very important to note!)

Tahoe. We are supposed to go up there next weekend. Assuming that the highway (80) is open. Dylan's snow clothes are huge on him. So I had to  buy smaller powder pants. Even though I probably gave away this exact size a couple of years ago. So in the last month? I have had to buy him (smaller) swim/summer clothes AND snow clothes. Awesome. I am so glad that I give away things/pass them on too soon! (Don't ask me if Halle's snow boots actually fit her. I am going to assume that they do. And then just shove her feet into them. So help me.) The flu took about 8 pounds off of my already slim son. Praying for wellness and a milkshake or two along the way for him.

My house? A wreck! Dishes, laundry, general crap . . . oh my! I need to pull it together and catch up!

Mac movie . . . I hired an 11 year-old to make a memorial video that I should have had done months ago. Photos are scanned. Video is input. Music is chosen. The family member in question? (John's stepmom's son), is back in hospice care. And I don't feel confident that I can whip this thing together in a timely manner. But an acquaintance's son knows the program . . . I haven't negotiated price yet, but I'm oh-so-certain that it will be well worth it!

Tomorrow I have two doctor's appointments. The first is with my GYN. To review my care/peri-menopausal plan and subsequent hormone levels. My bet? That my estrogen is "high", or at least higher than I am used to (non-existent). My gamble is a 280-310 range, versus my (normal) below 50 that I've become used to in the last three years. (Below 50, by the way, equals the typical range for a male.) I am guessing this because of several factors, not the least of which are some really (TMI!) tender boobs. So we'll see. :)

The second appointment? In quasi-relation to those tender boobs? Is a bilateral breast ultrasound with a breast specialist. This was the recommendation following my baseline mammogram. Then I have a secondary mammogram next week as well. I am still banking on the idea that I have lumpy, bumpy (but non-malignant) boobs, nothing more.

Lastly, I am clearly handling things well/better/more even-keeled because of my Lexapro. Otherwise known as what has kept me sane and healthy since December 21st. I am 100% certain that pharmaceuticals are/can be utilized to keep us all heathier/happier/more balanced. Which is clearly the case with me and my doctor's recommendation to utilize a mood stabilizer to well; um, stabilize me. Amen and amen. More on that later.

But just know that without it? Things like packing/prepping/scheduling/relationships/breast ultrasounds are much, much harder for me. And I am all about surviving/bettering/enjoying the process. And if Lexapro helps make that a better journey for me?  Amen.

 

A Snapshot . . .

of our fun in the sun!

There are lots more where those came from, but it's a start. (And I really should be finishing up some laundry. Really.)

On the Plane . . .

Coming home from such a fantastic week of vacation. First off, my kids are awesome travelers. Halle survived on 20 minute naps, often while caked in sand and sunscreen. Dylan rocked the entire time, as usual. He is so flexible and generous - especially when it comes to keeping his little sister happy. Even if she can treat him like dirt on occasion.

Taking Shannon was the best decision we made in regard to this vacation. She was always helpful, incredibly easy to travel with, funny and most importantly, always patient when we struggled to pull our sh*t together.

Second best decision? Making this a somewhat budget-friendly trip. We wouldn't give overly high ranks to the Imperial Waikiki, but given the bargain basement cost ($700 for a two bedroom/two bath condo) and the location (a two minute walk to the beach); we have no complaints.

John and I had some date time, which was a huge blessing. An adult-only dinner, a long breakfast alone and a couple of walks without our lovely kiddos; gave us the best of both worlds. Again, having Shannon with us was HUGE! An extra set of hands and eyes while we were on the beach ... Priceless!

Dylan was able to go out on a submarine, which was something he really wanted to do. He also mastered Stand-up Paddle Boarding and easily remembered how to surf as well. He wanted to get a tan, so I finally laid down the sunscreen on our last beach day ... maybe his sunburn will turn into a tan?

Halle loved the beach and was unbelievably brave in the water. She took a few hard waves to the face and did just fine! Several sand castles were built, many waves were chased and lots of waves ridden in her little floaty tube. After about day 2, however, she told us several times per day that she didn't like Hawaii and wanted to go home. She really missed our dog :)

I was super-excited to go nighttime snorkeling with John, only to find (once we drove over to Hanauma Bay), that the bay had been closed due to Tsnami-related conditions. I also wanted to swim at Turtle Beach. Alas, wrong season ... wrong conditions. (We did see a lot of turtles from the shallows AND I did manage to almost bump into a turtle while paddle-boarding on Waikiki.) So I got my turtle fix on in some regard! I was also very excited to learn how to paddle-board. (After John yanked the board out from underneath me on my first attempt . . . jerk!). 

John had no real desires for this trip, other than to relax, which was a good thing! He enjoyed it all, other than getting sick on Tuesday night. Apparently his body relaxed enough to let the germs in! :( He claims his favorite moment was on our very first night there, while sitting at the Hale Koa, three Mai Tais onboard and watching the fireworks with all of us. Isn't he cute?

All in all, it was a darn fine week away from real life! I had some hesitancy about going to "just Oahu", but I really, really enjoyed it. I was spoiled by Kauai as my first Hawaii trip. But frankly? When traveling with kids, it's not like deserted beaches and jungle seclusion really changes things, you know? I actually enjoyed the variety that Oahu had to offer! The hustle and bustle of Waikiki ... shopping, parades, countless restaurants and bars, busy beaches, ocean-side lunch buffets ... and don't forget 2+ ABC Markets on every block!

Next time, it's going to be John and I, getting away for a few days on our own. Love, love, love traveling with our kids ... but it's been five years since we've spent more than one night away together (alone). Don't know how we're going to swing it, but Lord knows, I'm sure gonna give it a try!

OK, we should be an hour out from arriving, but we were delayed at the gate, so we've got another hour and 45 to go. And then we'll drive home (10:30 pm) in torrential downpours. Should put us home by about 12:30 am. Return to reality INDEED!

Aloha . . .

I am not dead or missing, just on a fabulous vacation! The week leading up to our departure was crazy. We were all still trying to get well, combined with John being away at school for the two days prior to our leaving. (He got home from Sonoma State at 10:00 pm on Thursday and we left for Sacramento Airport at 6:00 am on Friday. Good times for him!)

Speaking of our departure, we left home completely unsure if our flight would actually take off.  Due to the tragic earthquake and resulting Tsunami in Japan, the Honolulu airport was actually closed when we took off. We assumed that they wouldn't send us to the island if there was significant damage, so we just went and were hopeful! There has not been any damage that we've seen here in Oahu, just rougher surf and some areas closed due to that.

Since then, we've been enjoying all different areas of the island. We've been swimming and paddle-boarding and boogie-boarding and sand castle building and; in general, having a fantastic time! (And eating. We've been doing a fair amount of that as well!)

Now I need to pull it together, get the family moving. We are taking our beloved friend/nanny/all-around-Supergirl Shannon to the airport this morning. Then off to Pearl Harbor.

Tomorrow is surfing, more paddle-boarding (we love it!) and our last day to lounge around in this glorious paradise! So I'm off the computer and back to the fun!

(And in case you were tempted, we have a house-sitter. And a ferocious guard dog. And a janky, old TV. So don't bother trying to rob us. It's not worth your while. Trust me :)

Finally . . .

feeling better. Thank God. 

That was the longest and hardest that I've ever been down (other than post-baby or post-surgery). And it wasn't pretty. You can tell by the shambles that have overtaken my house!

Luckily for me, I don't have time to wallow in the messes. Instead, a quick re-cap of the last few days and then we're moving on!

John and I were able to use our babysitter on Friday night. It wasn't for a great dinner or dancing, like I had hoped, but we ran a couple of errands and grabbed a drink and split a sandwich. Sadly, we ended up at Marie Callendar's (with all the other senior citizens), but we sat in the bar (by ourselves), so it wasn't as geriatric as it sounds! I was still moving slow, so an hour of errands and an hour of sitting and enjoying my husband exhausted me. Sad, sad date night!

Saturday started bright and early with Dylan's end-of-season basketball tourney. Given that he missed two weeks worth of practice and had no idea what a couple of new plays were, he did great. Basketball continued into Sunday. They won each of their three games and ultimately were named league champs, which is always a fun bonus! We had lots of family and friends join us for the games, which made it all even better.

(The official called Dylan as traveling just as I took this picture. Wish I had snapped it 0.2 seconds before to prove that his knees weren't on the ground before he successfully passed the ball. I would have been very tempted to take it to the ref for argument's sake!)

Today, we are back in the saddle. I managed to squeak out some work and am taking a quick break, although I could easily go take a nap. I was coughing a ton last night and am definitely not back to full energy yet. Halle is sleeping. John is at work. Dylan is at school. We have 45 minutes before I have to get Sis moving and go pick up her brother. 

There, I just convinced myself. I'm going to close my eyes for 20 minutes. Happy Monday!

 

Bronchitis and . . .

a sinus infection. Post-flu complications. Good times, eh?

I made it to Redding this morning. Made it through my meeting with only one time of drawing a complete blank, thus limiting my sick-idiot act to once or maybe twice.

I made it through a second meeting. And then I was done! (Physically. I certainly had lots more work that I should have been doing.)

I got in the car and started driving. Heater was on full-blast, but I was still shivering. By the time I made it to Red Bluff, I was in tears.

Although I had an appointment at my GP's office tomorrow morning, I felt like I couldn't wait, so I went straight to urgent care. Where I waited for a couple of hours. Urgently, of course.

I did leave there with antibiotics and an inhaler, so it was worth it.

And, as of this moment, I have almost made it through four nights straight of John working, while I feel like death on a platter. Another hour and the kiddos will be asleep. And I will have survived feeling the worst I have ever felt (that I can remember) and not have emotionally damaged my children in the meantime. Small steps, people!

I am taking Dylan back to the doctor tomorrow because I am 99% certain he has a sinus infection. And we will leave for Hawaii one week from tomorrow. Bring on the antibiotics. Give us the family-doseage!

I (optimistically) have a babysitter scheduled tomorrow night so that we can meet up with my BFF and the boy that she is officially dating. (I knew him vaguely in college, but that was a while ago!) KJ is telling me stay home and get better, but I think she's just trying to put off him meeting us. That's really what I think! So we shall see if 24 hours of antibiotics, some sleep and some Albuterol will allow me to interact with the boy. Or more importantly, if she will let me interact with the boy! (Come on, KJ, how bad are we, really? I think that we are very well-behaved. Especially in public!)

And, just because it was that kind of a day, the imaging center called me back for more mammography images and an ultrasound. (Which the tech had basically told me to expect.) But they can't get me in until the last day of the month. So I'm sticking to the idea that these are calcifications, nothing more, and refusing to worry about it. With all of my hormone trials and the fact that (sorry, TMI) I've always had lumpy, bumpy boobs? I am refusing to worry. Much. Small cystic changes due to hormone therapy. Benign calcifications. Something easily determined by further imaging. The end.

I Failed to Mention . . .

well, a few things, actually . . . 

First, but not really foremost, is that in the midst of Dylan being sick as a sad little dog? I almost punctured his ear drum. Nice mom, eh? To explain, both of my children have the waxiest ears known to man. And I am a bit like a monkey, in that if there is something to pick at or, ahem, dig at? I will. So we were at the pediatrician's office with Halle a month ago or so, and as usual, the doctor couldn't even see her ear drum since she had so much wax in there. Totally gross. But she had the coolest little tool. This one or something like it. So during a late-night mindless Amazon shopping, I bought it. And when it came, Dylan was already laying down on the couch, so why not dig in his ear, right?

Poor kid. I immediately jammed that thing in his ear, causing him to cry and um, bleed. Profusly. So then I cried because I felt so bad. And then I begged him to not tell John that I had done it! Which wasn't really going to happen, but still, a girl can hope! Now Dylan's entire ear is filled up with a bloody plug. And I'm going to have to take him into the doctor and confess my negligence if that stupid thing doesn't fall out of his ear. Like today. So, I'm praying that it falls out and all is well. Selfish prayers, but necessary.

Secondly, I still feel like a pile of poop. So does Dylan, but he's muscling through. Better than I am, in fact. I am managing to work for a couple of hours each day and then I am going to bed. Cannot remember ever being hit this hard by a virus. It sucks. 

Lastly, and to leave this rambling post on a positive, prettier note (and not images of ear injuries), we had some snow flurries last week, which is a rarity around here to say the least. Even though I was on Day 2 of the flu, and Dylan was on Day 5, we drove 10 miles up the road so the kiddos could at least jump around in it for a few minutes. (I stayed in the car, other than to take one picture. Flu-ridden, party-pooper that I am.) Behold the ten-minute fun:

Nothing like a little contrast with my new Hawaii-themed blog, huh?