Blissfully Unaware of the Chaos that Surrounds Me

Summertime, Summertime . . .

ooooohhhhhhhh, Summertime!

I can almost feel it.  The sun has come out two days in a row, although we did have some scary clouds pass us over last night.  I'm now feeling somewhat hopeful!  Maybe winter is over?  The storm we had on Wednesday was ridiculous.  I was looking around for a storm cellar because I could swear that a tornado was coming to take us all to Oz!  But instead of taking refuge in a storm cellar?  I was picking up dog poop in the massive hailstorm.  Just in case our yard guys came.  (Which they did, by the way :))

That being said, the wind is sucky.  And the pollen count is ridiculous.  And all of us are having some type of allergy/sickness symptoms.  Although they are all slightly different, just to keep us on our toes!  Halle is the one I'm a little worried about.  Just because she clearly has felt crappy for the last 8+ days.  She's now running a mild temperature (just under 102) and is a bit of a fussy blob, to be frank.

So our weekend will be easy.  Hoping she feels well enough to go to church on Sunday.  Other than that, all plans are very, very tentative.

Wish us luck and here's to hoping that you have a bit of summertime in your weekend as well!

You Know That Rule . . .

the one that says if you don't have anything nice to say, keep your trapper shut?  (Or something like that?)

Yeah.  I'm going to keep my mouth pretty much shut for the rest of the day. 

But seriously, have you ever had a moment or an interaction that reflects poorly (but truly) on someone that you used to be involved with?  Someone that you even loved?  Or gasp, someone that you even had a child with?  And that moment makes you think, "what the feck was I ever thinking?"  And then you realize that some things and/or people NEVER change.  Or grow up.  Or shit, even think about growing up!

And just in case you are confused here, I am absolutely not talking about John.  Not even a chance!

Now, back being nice.  I mean quiet.

Upper Park Fun . . .

Having grown up in a town with one of the 25 largest city parks in the United States, I took it for granted until I moved away.  I never realized how much I love the park and how often I relied on it for recreation until I was gone!

John planned a hike for us on Saturday, but I distracted him with planting new flowers, thus limiting our time to go anywhere far (Bald Rock was his destination).  So we headed to the park.  I actually wore flip-flops and Halle wore her gold sparkly "Tinkerbelle" shoes, so you know we weren't really going to hike anywhere!

We drove into Upper Park.  Stopped to look at a huge squished snake - while safely in the car, even though the snake was safely dead.  We parked and walked for about 20 yards.  Some sweet and very sunburned teenaged girls were leaving, so they gave us "their" good spot on the sand.  And there we sat.  Rocks were thrown.  Boys got wet and cold.  Chips were eaten.  Sand was dug.  Halle dipped her head in the freezing cold creek - I'm not quite sure why, but she thought it was very funny.  And it was a good day.

The evidence:

Monday Meanderings . . .

I checked out for a while last week for a multitude of reasons. 

(1)  I had kind of a crap week and didn't want to get on here and blah, blah, blah about it.  I was even tired of my mood, so I decided to not share it here :).  (2)  I was slammed at work. (3) It was my birthday. (4) My husband had to work on my birthday.  (5) We didn't go to see Wicked this weekend like we had originally planned.  (6)  We had some marital stressors (ha!)  And yes, items number 2 through 6 contributed to my crap week!

BUT . . .  last week is over and it did have some high points!

(1) I treated myself to a swanky pedicure on my birthday. (2) I got about four inches hacked off my hair and I love it.  (3) My friend made me a super-yummy chocolate cake for my birthday.  (4) My BFF took me to La Hacienda for a chicken tostada and a margarita.  (5) My mom came over and had cake and champagne with me on my birthday. (6) I got some birthday $$$$.  (7) I went to Roseville with my mom and aunt and cousin and spent said birthday $$$$ on Friday.  (8) My husband was home for the weekend.  (9) I got some stuff planted in the front yard.  (10) It didn't rain all weekend long!  (11) I got to celebrate my birthday with two of my dearest friends again yesterday.  More margaritas!  (12) I actually went on a date with my husband on Saturday night.  We, ironically, saw Date Night on our date night.  I would highly recommend it.  Make sure that you stay for the credits.  Holy smokes, I was laughing so hard that tears rolled down my face!

There!  More good then bad, at least when I write it down and force myself to keep finding the good.  So here's to this week . . . may there be more good than bad!

Paying For It . . .

My time away, that is.  Halle is letting me know, without any doubt, that she doesn't like Mama to go away.  She was, of course, fine about it while I was actually gone.  But now that I'm home?  Shudder . . . that girl has seriously regressed!  She isn't sleeping worth beans.  She is back to calling me (bellowing is actually a better term) several times before she finally gives it up.  (Several in this case equals 10+, by the way.  Ugh.)  When I do pop my head in there to see what she needs, she has a great all-encompassing response of, "I NEED YOU, MAMA!"

And it sucks because I do so like to sleep for at least most of the night.  I've also been having a heck of a time getting to sleep, so I've been going to bed after midnight, only to be jolted awake by her bellowing at 1:30 am.  It also sucks because while I was gone, I was feeling pretty good about it - enjoying a tiny ounce of freedom and thinking that it was so much easier to leave her this year than it was last year.

HA!

But the good news is this: (1) My daughter does adore me, even though I have been a bit grumpy of late and (2), this too will pass.  Of those two things I am sure.

I am also sure that I at least need to go lay down and pretend to go to sleep.  Maybe that would help instead of futzing around for all hours of the night.  Gonna give it a try, anyway.

Good night.  Sleep be with you.  Response: And also with you. 

I do apologize for my crabbiness to all who have put up with me of late.  It's getting quite tiresome and I am working on making some mood-changes :)  I promise.

I Need to Detox . . .

from the conference-type food and alcohol.  Ugh.

Without boring you with say, the actual numbers, lets just say that although I passed on the afternoon snack set out by hotel staff of ice cream and chocolate-covered strawberries?  I apparently veered from my intended weight loss (or even maintenance) this week in Santa Rosa.  I didn't consider that when I formulated my handy little chart.

I'm going to give it until Tuesday - my official weigh-in day - and see if I can at least get back to where I was when I left town on Tuesday.  I'm sure that the Baja Fresh/chevy's/Cantina/Chipotle rotation for four days, in addition to the conference fare didn't help matters.  Nor the fact that I ran out of thyroid meds as I was leaving and I was running too late to pick them up at the pharmacy.

Weight loss FAIL!

But . . . there's always a new day.  I have done well today and I will do well tomorrow.  And from then, we'll see :)

Now, I have only been allowed out of Halle's sight for two minutes since I've been home.  She's a little miffed that I was gone for so long.  It was in fact, the longest I've ever been away from her.  And Dylan too.  Which goes to show you that I love being with my babies - even when they are 11 and not babies in the slightest - and hate being away from them.

I may, quite possibly, tell tales of my workshop adventure tomorrow.  Suffice it to say that much work was done and much fun was had.  The fun was far more notable than the work :) 

A little teaser?  Restaurants with pay-by-the-test Breathalyzers mounted to the bar wall amuse me to a fault.  They inspire me to science-like experiments to see how much a shot may or may not spike my blood alcohol level.  I was not alone in this experiment, lest you worry. 

Lessons Learned Yesterday . . .

(Hold your hat for the oncoming deluge of randomness!)

1. I am not a fan of driving across long stretches of two-lane road that is only slightly elevated over a large body of water. For example, Highway 37, which I had the pleasure of driving last night.
2. Still not a fan of night driving.
3. Attempting to eat a taco (in a single soft corn tortilla) while driving at night and across a single-lane land bridge? Not such a fabulous idea. But it can be done successfully if you are hungry enough.
4. Eating a meal-replacement bar (due to almost burning down the kitchen after I once again, forgot about my English muffin toasting) and then not eating again until 8:45 pm is not the best idea. Makes me a little crabby :)
5. No matter how badly you want certain things in your life, there are some of them that will remain out of reach. And you will have to grieve that loss, in the middle of all the rest of what you do have. :(
6. Going into a dicey neighborhood liquor store is a lot more fun with a friend (Amy!) and a little scary if you are by yourself. But it was worth it to stock up on bottles of water that the hotel cannot now charge me $4 for. And a bottle of wine, of course.
7. When you are feeling fairly decent about your weight-loss progress and fitting into your size 10 Lucky's, one stupid idiot cannot ruin that for you.

For example . . . say you have an extra 20 minutes to stop off at the outlets and say that you are really in need of a couple spring tops that are also work-appropriate and maybe a cute ruffly sweater.  And you are so excited because 10s are fitting you and maybe even a Medium or two.  You find a really cute dress on the really, really clearanced rack at Ann Taylor Outlet, so the salesgirl is looking to find one that might actually fit me.  She started by suggesting that I just get the petite.  When I pointed out that I was 5'9" and NOT petite, she clearly didn't get the clue.  So she came back to the room to convince me that the Size 6 would be fine. 

I open the door to talk to her - dressed in my SIze 10 Lucky's and a cute polka dot top that I was trying on and liking and (thinking still that I am looking pretty good) and she says (with a gasp, mind you), "Oh!  You are WIDE!"

I swear.  That's what she said. I said, "you did NOT just say that!  You CANNOT say that to people!  Seriously, tell me now if you work on commission, because if so, I cannot buy any of this from you!"

She was shocked and kept telling me that it wasn't a bad thing that I was wide (yes, she kept saying it) and that some people are just wide.  And I was one of them.

She's lucky I didn't have my back-up peeps with me.  We might have wrestled her to the ground (which would have been easy, given my wide-ness) and tied her to the rack with an assortment of cardigans and blouses and left her there to reconsider her customer service skills.

Bad Dog Mama . ..

I thought that my dog was turning into a neurotic freak.  He was getting overly-hyper, especially annoying and scratching himself into a bloody mess.

Turns out?

He had (1) a staph infection. (2) A yeast infection.  (3) A double ear-infection. And (4), a likely GRASS allergy.

Only I could own a dog with a grass allergy. 

$180 at the vet's office later, I am officially a jerk of a dog-Mama. 

But I will faithfully shove meds down in throat and/or into his ears until kingdom comes.  Or until we actually fix the multiple issues ravaging his sad little (now hairless) cocker spaniel body.

Poor, poor Brody.  Do not mock his sad, hairless state. Just give him another Benadryll and walk away before you laugh at his ridiculously bald (and red and itchy demeanor).

As for me, one week into my gonna-get-this-weight-off, I am two pounds down, which was my goal.  I of, course, was a little greedy this morning and really, really wanted to be down another 0.5 pounds, since I've been here since Saturday.  But I'll take it :)

	Goal	Actual	Actual Weight	Goal Weight
6-Apr	*	*	167
13-Apr	(2.0)	(2.0)	165	165.0

And with that, I'd better pull it together and admit that I am leaving this afternoon for a work conference and haven't even picked up my dry cleaning, let alone packed.  Wish my hubby and kiddos lots of luck while Mama is gone!  (And wish the Mama some luck too as she doesn't typically like to be away from her babies - even though the boy is 11!)

A Graphing/Charting Weight Loss Dork . . .

I am motivated by charts.  And graphs.  And calculations that say how much I have lost and/or will lose. 

I need to envision the loss before I can lose it.  But hey, whatever works.

So this is what I have come up with for the days leading up until June 1.  Which is my big "I must weigh no more than 150 pounds" cut-off.  (I don't have a real reason for this cut-off, other than the fact that June 1 seems like such a clean and valid goal!)

	Goal	Actual	Weight	Goal Weight
6-Apr	*	*	167
13-Apr	(2.0)			165.0
20-Apr	(2.0)			163.0
27-Apr	(2.0)			161.0
4-May	(2.0)			159.0
11-May	(2.0)			157.0
	(10.0)
18-May	-3.0			154.0
25-May	-2.0			152.0
1-Jun	-2.0			150.0

And no, I am not proud of the fact that I have had to lose/am trying to lose pounds 163-167 multiple times now.

And yes, I am INCREDIBLY embarrassed to post my humongous weight publically but the Lord knows I need every bit of help I can get.  Including public humiliation!

Although I must point out that I am 5'9".  So even though I am still really fat?  It could be worse.  I guess.  For example, I could be 20 pounds heavier (Oh. Man.) like I was eight months ago.  Crapper.  I forgot that I have at least lost and maintained a 20 pound loss. 

It makes those 3.5 pounds seems not so bad after all!

OMG, Otherwise Known as "I Am Tired" . . .

Is it the wind?  The busy season?  The balance of oh-so-many-things? The fact that I have parented alone more than partnered more often than not, lately? 

Or is it simply the fact that I fell asleep around 1:00 am yesterday morning and Halle woke up at 6:25 and that 5.5 hours of sleep is not quite enough?

Whatever it is, it needs to stop. I am weary and a little loopy.

I have declared today to be a movie marathon day.  Maybe Auntie Karissa will come and watch High School Musical I and III with us. (I have personally declared No. 2 a waste of time, sorry :)).  Or maybe Mulan I and II?  (Auntie KJ?  PLease consider this your official invitation!)  If not, we will likely watch them all by our lonesome.  Because if it is cold and rainy as predicted, I will likely not leave the house.  Because I. Am. Done. with the cold and the wind and the rain.  Just saying :)