but I can't sleep. And I think that it is the lamest thing ever!
I am guessing that above and beyond my lovely hormonal deprivation, I just have too many things going on in my ever-disintegrating brain!
This is my absolute busiest time of the year at work. Busiest and most stressful. Because it is GOOD TIMES to have your agency's budget scrutinized by the public and the media . . . especially in this economic climate. Good times indeed!
The end of the school year . . . need I say more?
John has been gone for an Air Force training since Sunday and won't return until late this Sunday. It was necessary and non-negotiable, but still some seriously shitty timing.
Dylan is sick. Nasty smokers-cough and a killer headache. He's been getting through school OK, but crashing as soon as he comes home. I'm (sadly) thinking that he may actually miss the second-to-last-day-of-4th-grade tomorrow. And that's just pathetic!
Halle-boo is challenging at times (most times?). Love her like crazy - no doubt. But seriously? Is it so bad to have to get dressed every so often? Or to let her brother sit on our bed? Or have her Nana get her out of the car-seat instead of me She loses her shit like nobody's business!
The house and yard? Beyond messy. And I find myself not cleaning the house because I need to mow the lawn. And vice-versa. And the end result? Not a lot getting done around here at all!
On top of all that? I've been having weird and horrendous anxiety. Bad, yet unrealistic (thank God) shit. I've been losing sleep over Halle and our (above-ground) pool. I am so ridiculous that I can literally see her floating, face-down in it. And I, of course, think about this right as I am trying to go to sleep. WTH is wrong with me?
Anyway. Lots and lots of good stuff. Blessings abound. But I just want to sleep. Deeply and for 8 hours And have my brain act like it's slightly functional. And stop having crazy nightmares of hideous thoughts.
Maybe if I used my estrogen cream as body lotion? Could that work? Anything to get my body back into a mode that works. This "I'm a woman, but have the estrogen level of a man shit" is getting old.
Anyway . . . ignore me. It's all good. I'm just tired. And a little beat-down. But tomorrow is a new day. And thank God for that!
** Just to follow-up . . . yes, I did take a shower on Monday morning AND, as a bonus, another one tonight! There's no stopping me now!
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